Ten jewels earned from a decade of happy marriage

10 JEWELS

Being a young girl, I repeatedly had to listen to such statements:

“Whatever you study, one day you have to get married and do the household chores.”

I used to ignore it as much as I could. After the bone-breaking study of Medicine- with all work and no play schedule; cramming all the boring details of Anatomy, and memorizing the depths and details of a tangled human brain- there came a time when I had to tie a knot with somebody and leave all my books. Then, I had to start from the scratch and set foot in the sea of whole new experiences and learning. The Anatomy and Biochemistry that had become a part and parcel of my life got replaced by the study of kitchen management and hacks.

My married life is now ten years old, and a proud feather is added to my marriage cap. I have realized that marriage has more meaning to it. It is a pact of making your sharp corners round.

According to Mufti Ibrahim Desai, in a recipe for a successful marriage (1):

“There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah (SWT).”

Hence, I don’t celebrate marriage anniversaries by parties or hip-hop; but I do celebrate by pondering over the lessons that I had learned during that year and store them in my memory. Each year, I implement those lessons into my life to get more happiness and success. My secret of a blissful marriage is based on the following lessons.

Silence is the best medicine

It is very usual to have differences, but to remain calm and composed is an art which is achieved through excellent self-control tactics. Arguing, at times of conflict, can make the situation worse by letting the Satan enter into it.

It has been narrated by Abu-Said Al-Khudri, the Prophet (saw) said:

“He, who is humble, for the sake of Allah (SWT) by a degree, Allah (SWT) will elevate him one degree, until he reaches the highest degrees; and he, who is arrogant toward Allah (SWT), Allah (SWT) will lower him one degree until he reaches the lowest of low degrees.”

The very first thing that took me to the tantrums after my marriage was the late night schedule of my husband’s job. As my father was a government officer, we used to enjoy the evening tea with him at home. When I shared that with my hubby, I used to get a mind-blowing lecture of office responsibilities and problems. Now, what I have done best is to pray to Almighty Allah (SWT), and remain silent. The next year my hubby changed the job in which he had the facility to return back home early from office, and could work from home. Thus, silence helped me keep a peaceful environment at home and fulfill my dream through prayers.

Conquer via Love

Love is the language which everybody understands. Showing constant gratitude and love takes your hubby to the Mount Everest of his self-esteem. He, in turn, showers you with the same.

To err is human, forgiveness is divine

Females have a 967432 GB of memory, and at any little issue, they open up the historical book of complaints which ignites the never ending argument. I used to avoid it imagining a large number of women ungrateful to their husbands, burning in the Hellfire. (Astaghfirullah)

It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Abbas ( RA) that the Messenger of Allah (saw) said: “I was shown Hell and I have never seen anything more terrifying than it. And I saw that the majority of its people are women.”
They said: “Why, O Messenger of Allah (saw)?” He said: “Because of their ingratitude (Kufr).” It was said: “Are they ungrateful to Allah (SWT)?” He said: “They are ungrateful to their companions (husbands) and ungrateful for good treatment. If you are kind to one of them for a lifetime, then she sees one (undesirable) thing in you, she will say: ‘I have never had anything good from you.’” (Bukhari)

The Foolish secret

I know this is difficult to apply for many of us, but believe me, it works. I used to surprise my hubby by listening to common talks with great astonishment. It is a secret which I apply regularly and keeps my relationship filled with joy.

Invest in your relationship

Sharing lovely gifts and words, add up the strength to my life and fuel up my passion for living together. A beautifully wrapped present leaves a long lasting effect on the heart of your hubby- it will never be a waste!

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